1. Get On The Same Page With Money
Simply put, I have seen this issue of money ruin marriages. RUIN marriages. You have GOT to get on the same page with your spouse about how money will and will not be used in your home. Money issues create more stress, more chaos, more arguments, more resentment, than almost any other issue. I am SOOOO grateful to say that out of all the things Jenny and I have struggled with over the years, money, for the most part, hasn’t been one of those. Not because we had or have a lot of it. In fact we have had seasons where were REALLY low in the account. But there wasn’t stress. Because we knew where we stood on our convictions about money.
We knew we weren’t going to take on credit card debt, so no arguments there.
We knew we would always tithe and give to the local church, so no arguments there.
We knew we weren’t going to buy completely unnecessary purchases in order to keep up with cultural trends, so no arguments there.
You have got to be aligned in how you will spend your money and what is important or it will come back to bite you in huge ways.
2. Get On Same Page With Faith
There is no more important issue in marriage than submitting your marriage to the Lordship of Jesus. And there is no more difficult road to walk than when one spouse is longing to follow Jesus and the other isn’t. I know that sometimes it is only after the wedding that one spouse gives their lives to trusting Jesus and the other doesn’t. But if you know going into a wedding that you are longing to pursue Jesus and your future spouse isn’t, GET OUT OF THE ENGAGEMENT.
If you came to Christ after the wedding day and your spouse refuses to, you have a commitment to pursue Jesus above all things. However, you have also committed yourself to your spouse and you have no right to leave them for this sole reason. Your role now is to be Jesus to them.
Show them exactly who Jesus is by…
Serving them.
Praying for them.
Encouraging them.
Loving them.
Being compassionate to them.
And laying down your life for them.
3. Don’t Take Things Personally
Your spouse will say things with an unintended tone, forget to follow through on what they promised, and give you looks that could be interpreted multiple ways. You have got to learn not to take things personally in marriage. When your spouse points out that you forgot to sweep after mowing, it is not a personal attack on your character. It is a statement of fact. Learn not to take things personally and it will save a lot of arguments over nothing.
4. Always Give Your Spouse The Benefit Of The Doubt
This one is HUGE! You will face a failed expectation of some sort almost each day. Dinner wasn’t what you thought, they responded in a way that was hurtful, they spent money on something you think was unwise. Whatever that failed expectation is you always have a moment that you can choose what to think about your spouse. You can either carry out the negative thoughts about them and let them know. Or you can choose to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I know there have been times where I have hurt Jenny or I have not met her expectations and she has had to tell herself, “I would’ve never done what he just did, but I also know Jason’s intentions are good and that in the end, Jason is for us and would never do anything to intentionally hurt our marriage.” Like I said, this one is HUGE because if you don’t practice giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt you are on a fast train to resentment, bitterness, and self-righteousness.
5. Make Allowance For Faults
It is so easy to always think about all the things your spouse DOESN’T do. The things they SHOULD’VE said. The way they DON’T clean up. The respect they DON’T give you. But your spouse is human. Which means they will make mistakes. They will not get it all right. They will forget to follow through on things. They will burn the food at times. They will shrink your sweaters (wooops – 1st year of marriage story there).
You want to know how to tell if you have a marriage and a home that makes allowance for each other’s faults? One simple way is that your home will have a lot of laughter. Laughter means everyone is relaxed and can be themselves. And you can only be yourself when you know you are loved and accepted because of who you are, not because of what you have or haven’t done. There is no worse kind of home than the home where everyone is on eggshells. It means grace has moved out. And when grace moves out of a home and a marriage it will make for a miserable relationship.
6. Make Your Spouse Your Priority
This one isn’t complicated. If your spouse isn’t a priority it will only take a second for them to know it. Your relationship with your spouse is more important than your work. More important than your friends. More important than your hobbies. More important than your car. And yes, even more important your kids. So find ways to communicate to your spouse that there is no greater priority in your life than them.
And by the way, this isn’t something you can tell your spouse. It doesn’t work to say, “You are my greatest priority.” This is something that can only be demonstrated. So save the words and just find the things to do that will let them know.
7. Make Memories
Studies show that couples are significantly more likely to survive turmoil in their marriage if they share at least 8 positive memories together. So here is some practical application, make lots of memories. Go on day trips, try new restaurants, go on vacations, create inside jokes, and go through your photo album every now and then together to relive some of those memories.
8. You Will Never Change Your Spouse
I am not sure I really got this one until after a lot of years of hurting Jenny. If you think you will change your spouse, you won’t. So stop trying. Only your spouse can change themselves.
And nagging, bribing, pestering, and shaming them to change will NEVER work! Relax and enjoy them as they really are, not as you want them to be. Believing you can change someone will only lead you to resent them for not changing into your own personal vision of who they should be.
9. Do Whatever It Takes To Help Your Spouse Come Alive
Part of the role you have as a spouse is to help your partner reach the fullest potential they have as a human created in the image of God. Simply put, you have a responsibility to enable and empower your spouse to do the things that bring them to life. The more alive they are the better spouse they will be as well.
If exercise brings them to life, give them time and space to exercise.
If it’s reading and studying, then encourage this.
If it’s being outside, then give them freedom to get outside.
If it’s working with children, watch your kids one afternoon a week so they can volunteer with children in the community.
Whatever it is for your spouse, help them go after it full speed.
10. Busyness Will Lead You To Simply Living Together
We live in a culture addicted to busyness. Sitting around with nothing to do on a Friday night is almost seen as a bit prudish. We fill our days with work and our nights with hobbies and then you throw kids in the mix and the whole thing blows up. There is nothing Jenny and I have had to fight off more than encroaching busyness. There will ALWAYS be someone else to have dinner with, always another event worth going to, always another commitment for you to make.
In the seasons where it has felt like Jenny and I were just roommates (yes we have had several of those seasons) the common thread has always been extraordinary busyness. One rule we try our very best to live by is that we will not be out doing stuff at night more than twice a week. We want 5 nights together. That may not be your rule but unless you have something in place anything and everything will call for your attention. That is, anything and everything except your marriage.
Friday, August 05, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
God’s Given You Some Boogie-Woogie So Let It Out
I went running with friend recently in the 95 degree Georgia heat and loved every minute of it. My friend decided to go running with me even though he hadn’t been running very much lately and knew it would be very difficult for him. We knew going in that there would be a few times on the run that he would need to take a break and walk a bit.
There was one hill towards the last part of the run that was tough and my hope was to encourage him to run it out to the top of the hill, which he did. Once we got to the top of the hill I knew he would be ready to start cooling down and walking even though we still had almost a mile back to our finish.
This forced me into a decision. I could walk out the rest of the run with him or I could run on ahead and finish the run. The reality is that I was beginning to run out of steam as well, but I knew I had it in me to finish running. This wasn’t new to me and I had run this distance in these conditions countless times before.
As I considered whether to walk with him or run it out, leaving him behind, this thought struck me, “I can’t hold back because of him. The best thing I can do for him and for me is to finish this run strong.” Walking with him wouldn’t have pushed him at all and it certainly wouldn’t have pushed me in what I knew I had the ability to do.
The bottom line is that I had the capacity and ability to finish the run. Which means I also had the responsibility to finish the run.
So I told myself on that hot and humid country road, “I have the ability to finish running, so I MUST finish running.”
I’ve been listening to John Lee Hooker for years and one of my favorite songs is “Boogie Chillen”. In that song he says, “I heard momma and poppa talking. I heard poppa tell momma to ‘Let that boy boogie-woogie. Cause it’s in him, and it’s got to come out.’”
I think God has given each of us a little boogie-woogie*. It’s those gifts, strengths, abilities, passions, that are simply in us and they have to come out.
Some of us have to write. Some of us have to sing. Some of us have to work in the soil. Some of us have to create order out of organizational chaos. Some of us have to work with numbers. Some of us have to speak. Some of us have to investigate further. Some of us have to give our opinion. Some of us have to throw parties. Some of us have to paint. Some of us have to run.
We all have a little boogie-woogie in us and we’ll know what it is because it’s that thing that has to come out.
I have the privilege of having friends all around the country who are dynamic communicators in their local churches. Most of them share teaching responsibilities with a team of communicators at their church. I was talking to a friend of mine once that is part of a team of communicators at their church and he was describing a strange tension that could develop on a team of teachers.
With the different personalities and styles among the communicators on their team the church had the potential to really connect with one or two of the teachers but not with the others.
He asked me whether or not he should hold back on his creativity in communicating so that he doesn’t make the other communicators look less creative, or less relevant.
I told him as strongly as I could, “Absolutely not. Do not hold back what is in your ability to create.” I told my friend that he ought to go all out and as that happens, the bar will be raised for every other communicator on his team. Holding back does nothing to push them or my friend. That would be the worst thing to do.
I read this from Steven Pressfield recently in his book, “The War of Art” – “The awakening artist must be ruthless, not only with herself but with others. Once you make your break, you can’t turn around for your buddy who catches his trouser leg on a barbed wire. The best thing you can do for that friend (and he’d tell you this himself, if he really is your friend) is to get over the wall and keep motating. The best and only thing that one artist can do for another is to serve as an example and an inspiration.”
You cannot, you MUST NOT, hold back what you have the ability to do because you don’t want to leave others behind. In fact, you may even be guilted by some around you to hold back, just be simple, just walk a little while, just do what everyone else does, etc… To these you must say, “I have it in me and it has to come out.”
Holding back on what you have the ability to do helps NOBODY in the long run.
Yes I know that there are moments where leadership may mean you and I going back and walking with someone when they need us to walk. But I’m convinced that most of the time, true leadership is running ahead when you it’s in your capacity to do so, all the while encouraging and inspiring those who feel like they need to walk to pick up the pace. To push themselves past comfort so they will go to another level.
And it’s no small point that after I finished the run, I looked back and saw my friend finishing his run also.
And he was running.
*Yes, I know that John Lee Hooker was using the phrase “boogie-woogie” as a metaphor for something entirely different and a bit more crass. So I hereby baptize the phrase “boogie-woogie” and use it for more redemptive purposes.
There was one hill towards the last part of the run that was tough and my hope was to encourage him to run it out to the top of the hill, which he did. Once we got to the top of the hill I knew he would be ready to start cooling down and walking even though we still had almost a mile back to our finish.
This forced me into a decision. I could walk out the rest of the run with him or I could run on ahead and finish the run. The reality is that I was beginning to run out of steam as well, but I knew I had it in me to finish running. This wasn’t new to me and I had run this distance in these conditions countless times before.
As I considered whether to walk with him or run it out, leaving him behind, this thought struck me, “I can’t hold back because of him. The best thing I can do for him and for me is to finish this run strong.” Walking with him wouldn’t have pushed him at all and it certainly wouldn’t have pushed me in what I knew I had the ability to do.
The bottom line is that I had the capacity and ability to finish the run. Which means I also had the responsibility to finish the run.
So I told myself on that hot and humid country road, “I have the ability to finish running, so I MUST finish running.”
I’ve been listening to John Lee Hooker for years and one of my favorite songs is “Boogie Chillen”. In that song he says, “I heard momma and poppa talking. I heard poppa tell momma to ‘Let that boy boogie-woogie. Cause it’s in him, and it’s got to come out.’”
I think God has given each of us a little boogie-woogie*. It’s those gifts, strengths, abilities, passions, that are simply in us and they have to come out.
Some of us have to write. Some of us have to sing. Some of us have to work in the soil. Some of us have to create order out of organizational chaos. Some of us have to work with numbers. Some of us have to speak. Some of us have to investigate further. Some of us have to give our opinion. Some of us have to throw parties. Some of us have to paint. Some of us have to run.
We all have a little boogie-woogie in us and we’ll know what it is because it’s that thing that has to come out.
I have the privilege of having friends all around the country who are dynamic communicators in their local churches. Most of them share teaching responsibilities with a team of communicators at their church. I was talking to a friend of mine once that is part of a team of communicators at their church and he was describing a strange tension that could develop on a team of teachers.
With the different personalities and styles among the communicators on their team the church had the potential to really connect with one or two of the teachers but not with the others.
He asked me whether or not he should hold back on his creativity in communicating so that he doesn’t make the other communicators look less creative, or less relevant.
I told him as strongly as I could, “Absolutely not. Do not hold back what is in your ability to create.” I told my friend that he ought to go all out and as that happens, the bar will be raised for every other communicator on his team. Holding back does nothing to push them or my friend. That would be the worst thing to do.
I read this from Steven Pressfield recently in his book, “The War of Art” – “The awakening artist must be ruthless, not only with herself but with others. Once you make your break, you can’t turn around for your buddy who catches his trouser leg on a barbed wire. The best thing you can do for that friend (and he’d tell you this himself, if he really is your friend) is to get over the wall and keep motating. The best and only thing that one artist can do for another is to serve as an example and an inspiration.”
You cannot, you MUST NOT, hold back what you have the ability to do because you don’t want to leave others behind. In fact, you may even be guilted by some around you to hold back, just be simple, just walk a little while, just do what everyone else does, etc… To these you must say, “I have it in me and it has to come out.”
Holding back on what you have the ability to do helps NOBODY in the long run.
Yes I know that there are moments where leadership may mean you and I going back and walking with someone when they need us to walk. But I’m convinced that most of the time, true leadership is running ahead when you it’s in your capacity to do so, all the while encouraging and inspiring those who feel like they need to walk to pick up the pace. To push themselves past comfort so they will go to another level.
And it’s no small point that after I finished the run, I looked back and saw my friend finishing his run also.
And he was running.
*Yes, I know that John Lee Hooker was using the phrase “boogie-woogie” as a metaphor for something entirely different and a bit more crass. So I hereby baptize the phrase “boogie-woogie” and use it for more redemptive purposes.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
You Won't Always Get Your Butt Kicked
There is a hill in our community that I CAN NOT STAND! I never have liked it. And tonight I decided to run a route that made sure I had to climb that hill. While I know that my body will pay for it tomorrow, I don't care, I beat that hill. I made it to the top and smacked it in it's face.
I COULD NOT have run that hill 5 years ago. How do I know? Because I tried running it 5 years ago and failed.
This is exactly how spiritual formation and discipleship works. There are struggles, temptations, thought patterns, that 5 years ago had a much deeper hold on me than they do today. In fact, there are some issues that years ago I thought I would never move past. But today some of those issues aren’t even there any more.
Don’t get me wrong. I have my own different set of issues today. In fact, I have some struggles today that are kicking my butt at times. But I have hope that this won’t always be the case. If God has moved me past those struggles of yesterday can't I trust that God will do it with the struggles of today.
The first Christians talked about these ideas by using phrases like, “maturing in Christ” or “being brought to completion in Christ.” It’s basically the idea that as you and I keep pursuing, keep running after Jesus, the hills that beat us today won’t be so tough 5 years from now.
If you are new to following Jesus then take encouragement in knowing that some of the issues you feel like you will never get past right now may not even be issues in the future.
I know you are struggling now. I know the hill beats you now. I know you keep falling to the same old temptations but this will not always be so if you keep running. Because soon your body will find a new normal. Where those destructive needs and thoughts don’t own you anymore.
But it takes time. Sometimes years. It takes diligence. It takes choosing to get up tomorrow and run again even when it’s tough.
Godly character is formed in this way. By waking up each day and renewing your vows to Jesus.
So please know that the hills that beat you today will not beat you in the future. Because God has started a good work in you and God always finishes what God started.
I COULD NOT have run that hill 5 years ago. How do I know? Because I tried running it 5 years ago and failed.
This is exactly how spiritual formation and discipleship works. There are struggles, temptations, thought patterns, that 5 years ago had a much deeper hold on me than they do today. In fact, there are some issues that years ago I thought I would never move past. But today some of those issues aren’t even there any more.
Don’t get me wrong. I have my own different set of issues today. In fact, I have some struggles today that are kicking my butt at times. But I have hope that this won’t always be the case. If God has moved me past those struggles of yesterday can't I trust that God will do it with the struggles of today.
The first Christians talked about these ideas by using phrases like, “maturing in Christ” or “being brought to completion in Christ.” It’s basically the idea that as you and I keep pursuing, keep running after Jesus, the hills that beat us today won’t be so tough 5 years from now.
If you are new to following Jesus then take encouragement in knowing that some of the issues you feel like you will never get past right now may not even be issues in the future.
I know you are struggling now. I know the hill beats you now. I know you keep falling to the same old temptations but this will not always be so if you keep running. Because soon your body will find a new normal. Where those destructive needs and thoughts don’t own you anymore.
But it takes time. Sometimes years. It takes diligence. It takes choosing to get up tomorrow and run again even when it’s tough.
Godly character is formed in this way. By waking up each day and renewing your vows to Jesus.
So please know that the hills that beat you today will not beat you in the future. Because God has started a good work in you and God always finishes what God started.
Monday, July 04, 2011
12 Years In: Some Things I Have Learned About Ministry
In my early twenties I thought leadership was figuring out ways to give everyone what they want.
Now I think leadership is about being clear about where you believe God is leading the ministry.
I used to think a pastor should be liked by everyone.
Now I think that there is no way possible for this to happen. Over the years I have had several people close to me part ways with our ministry because of disagreement.
I used to think that my first priority was serving the church.
Now I think that my first priority is to serve my family.
I used to think that the point of a sermon was to give answers.
Now I think that the point of a sermon is to raise questions.
I used to think that the greatest hindrance to God’s work in the world were “sinful” people.
Now I think the greatest hindrance to God’s work in the world are the “self-righteous” who hide behind the veil of religion.
I used to think that the smaller the church, the better people would experience “community”.
Now I think “community” is about the spirit and openness of the people at the church no matter the size.
I used to think that ministry was about spending lots of hours at the church.
Now I think that ministry is about using my hours to be fully present, living with an awareness to God’s leading no matter where it takes me.
I used to think the Kingdom of God was something that was coming “one day”.
Now I think that for those with ears to hear and eyes to see, God’s Kingdom work is breaking into the here and now.
I used to think devotional time was something you did for 15 or so minutes in the morning.
Now I think devotional time is seeing every moment of every day as sacred potential for God to breathe into you.
I used to think that I should try and prove my point to someone who disagreed with me.
Now I think it is better to listen and agree to disagree.
I used to think leadership was about making a decision and sticking with it even if it is the wrong decision.
Now I think leadership is owning up to failures by admitting where I have dropped the ball.
I used to think that what people wanted most in a leader was confidence.
Now I think that what people want most in a leader is authenticity.
I used to think the church was just for Christians.
Now I think the church is for everyone.
Now I think leadership is about being clear about where you believe God is leading the ministry.
I used to think a pastor should be liked by everyone.
Now I think that there is no way possible for this to happen. Over the years I have had several people close to me part ways with our ministry because of disagreement.
I used to think that my first priority was serving the church.
Now I think that my first priority is to serve my family.
I used to think that the point of a sermon was to give answers.
Now I think that the point of a sermon is to raise questions.
I used to think that the greatest hindrance to God’s work in the world were “sinful” people.
Now I think the greatest hindrance to God’s work in the world are the “self-righteous” who hide behind the veil of religion.
I used to think that the smaller the church, the better people would experience “community”.
Now I think “community” is about the spirit and openness of the people at the church no matter the size.
I used to think that ministry was about spending lots of hours at the church.
Now I think that ministry is about using my hours to be fully present, living with an awareness to God’s leading no matter where it takes me.
I used to think the Kingdom of God was something that was coming “one day”.
Now I think that for those with ears to hear and eyes to see, God’s Kingdom work is breaking into the here and now.
I used to think devotional time was something you did for 15 or so minutes in the morning.
Now I think devotional time is seeing every moment of every day as sacred potential for God to breathe into you.
I used to think that I should try and prove my point to someone who disagreed with me.
Now I think it is better to listen and agree to disagree.
I used to think leadership was about making a decision and sticking with it even if it is the wrong decision.
Now I think leadership is owning up to failures by admitting where I have dropped the ball.
I used to think that what people wanted most in a leader was confidence.
Now I think that what people want most in a leader is authenticity.
I used to think the church was just for Christians.
Now I think the church is for everyone.
Thursday, May 05, 2011
Leaders Make The Ask Of People
I got an email recently from a couple looking for any help I could give them as they try and navigate their young marriage and all that comes with that. As I read through their email I was burdened to help them by trying to connect them with another married couple that have years of experience under their belt. As I thought about who I could connect them with, one couple come to mind that I thought could provide wisdom and guidance.
I knew I needed to ask this older couple but I also knew that their plate was already full with work and other ministry commitments. So I debated about asking. However, I decided not to say "no" for them. The next time I saw this older couple I explained the situation and asked if they would be willing to walk beside this young couple right now.
They thought about it for a bit but then told me they would be willing to do so.
As I left them and the conversation I said, “Thank you so much for considering this and being willing to help.”
Then they responded, “Thank you for asking us. We are honored you thought of us.”
And to think, I almost said “no” for them.
One of the things I have learned over the years in leading is that it isn’t up to leaders to say "yes" or "no" for people. It is up to us to make the ask. It is simply our job to call people up to being a part of something great and trust them to respond in the way they need to.
I was struck by their response – “We are honored you thought of us.”
A lot of times what we feel might be a burden to someone is actually an honor to them.
So when leading, don’t be afraid to ask people to do big things and help out in significant ways.
Don’t say “no” for them.
It may not work out for them to help out with a particular project but they will be honored you asked.
I knew I needed to ask this older couple but I also knew that their plate was already full with work and other ministry commitments. So I debated about asking. However, I decided not to say "no" for them. The next time I saw this older couple I explained the situation and asked if they would be willing to walk beside this young couple right now.
They thought about it for a bit but then told me they would be willing to do so.
As I left them and the conversation I said, “Thank you so much for considering this and being willing to help.”
Then they responded, “Thank you for asking us. We are honored you thought of us.”
And to think, I almost said “no” for them.
One of the things I have learned over the years in leading is that it isn’t up to leaders to say "yes" or "no" for people. It is up to us to make the ask. It is simply our job to call people up to being a part of something great and trust them to respond in the way they need to.
I was struck by their response – “We are honored you thought of us.”
A lot of times what we feel might be a burden to someone is actually an honor to them.
So when leading, don’t be afraid to ask people to do big things and help out in significant ways.
Don’t say “no” for them.
It may not work out for them to help out with a particular project but they will be honored you asked.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
All You Have Left Is Life Change
I was reminded today of a sermon I heard that explored some of the research Alan Hirsch has done.
In the year 100 they estimate that there were 25,000 Christians. They were illegally Christian, they had no buildings, and it was difficult to join the church. They estimate that by the year 320 there were 20 million Christians in the Roman Empire. It went from 25,000 to 20 million in roughly 200 years. So apparently with this movement, make it illegal, make it hard to get into, take away all of their buildings, and this movement thrives.
Why?
Because if you take away the buildings, take away the budgets, make it illegal, make it hard to join, then all you are left with is people going, "Hey, my life has been changed." Stories of life change is all you have left.
Apparently that is more powerful than all the other stuff.
In the year 100 they estimate that there were 25,000 Christians. They were illegally Christian, they had no buildings, and it was difficult to join the church. They estimate that by the year 320 there were 20 million Christians in the Roman Empire. It went from 25,000 to 20 million in roughly 200 years. So apparently with this movement, make it illegal, make it hard to get into, take away all of their buildings, and this movement thrives.
Why?
Because if you take away the buildings, take away the budgets, make it illegal, make it hard to join, then all you are left with is people going, "Hey, my life has been changed." Stories of life change is all you have left.
Apparently that is more powerful than all the other stuff.
Monday, April 04, 2011
Stop Going To Church For You
If you are a follower of Jesus then you have to at some point remind yourself as to why you go to church. Who is church really for and what are you supposed to experience while gathered with the church?
I would suggest that if you are a Christian then you do not go to church for you. You go to church as an act of obedience and worship to God. It is a communal way of saying that our schedules, our time, and our energy will be redirected on one day a week to acknowledge that God is God and we are not.
God and God alone is what drives us to gathering together on weekends.
I have actually heard people leaving gatherings before saying things like, "So what did you get out of it?"
Really? What did you get out of it?
Maybe the better question is, "So what did God get out of you?" Did you worship even when you didn't feel like it? Did you create a welcoming and warm environment for the people you bumped into? Did you notice the person standing by themselves looking out of place waiting for someone to help them find where to go? Did you bring all you had to serving kids or students or parking cars or running a sound board?
What did you get out of it? You won't find that question anywhere in the scriptures as an adequate gauge on how "effective" a church is.
If you really want to know if you are going to church just to get something or to bring something you can tell by the responses and questions you ask after a gathering.
Questions like...
How was the teaching this weekend?
Was the music good? Did I like the songs?
How long did I have to sit in traffic?
These all indicate that maybe, just maybe, you're there to get something. But the church doesn't exist for you.
The church doesn't exist for you.
The church exist for God's glory. For God's love and grace to be made known in the world. To be the conduit for God's kingdom to break on the scene.
Gathering with the church isn't about you. It's about God. It's about surrendering ourselves for just a small part of our week and saying, "We are here for one reason and one reason alone, to seek God together and bring all we have for his glory."
I can't tell you how inspired I am to be around people at our church who I know don't personally like the style of music we play. They don't personally like the way we set up our environments. They are uncomfortable with pastors in jeans and Chuck Taylor's and wouldn't be caught dead wearing them.
And yet, they are a part of what God is doing here because there is a conviction that runs deeper than music styles and clothing. It is their conviction that the church doesn't exist for them. So while they may not sing the songs we sing at church while driving around in their cars during the week, they come to our gatherings asking what they can bring, not what they can get.
And while they may not agree with every decision leadership makes, agreement isn't the most important issue, God's glory is. And on that we can agree.
Your church will make decisions that you will not agree with. They will start some new ministries and put to death others. They will have weekends where you feel you "got something out of it" and others you feel no different. But agreement and everyone getting something out of it was never the point.
God's glory and worship and gracious call to everyone outside of his family is the point.
It's not about you.
And it's not about me.
I would suggest that if you are a Christian then you do not go to church for you. You go to church as an act of obedience and worship to God. It is a communal way of saying that our schedules, our time, and our energy will be redirected on one day a week to acknowledge that God is God and we are not.
God and God alone is what drives us to gathering together on weekends.
I have actually heard people leaving gatherings before saying things like, "So what did you get out of it?"
Really? What did you get out of it?
Maybe the better question is, "So what did God get out of you?" Did you worship even when you didn't feel like it? Did you create a welcoming and warm environment for the people you bumped into? Did you notice the person standing by themselves looking out of place waiting for someone to help them find where to go? Did you bring all you had to serving kids or students or parking cars or running a sound board?
What did you get out of it? You won't find that question anywhere in the scriptures as an adequate gauge on how "effective" a church is.
If you really want to know if you are going to church just to get something or to bring something you can tell by the responses and questions you ask after a gathering.
Questions like...
How was the teaching this weekend?
Was the music good? Did I like the songs?
How long did I have to sit in traffic?
These all indicate that maybe, just maybe, you're there to get something. But the church doesn't exist for you.
The church doesn't exist for you.
The church exist for God's glory. For God's love and grace to be made known in the world. To be the conduit for God's kingdom to break on the scene.
Gathering with the church isn't about you. It's about God. It's about surrendering ourselves for just a small part of our week and saying, "We are here for one reason and one reason alone, to seek God together and bring all we have for his glory."
I can't tell you how inspired I am to be around people at our church who I know don't personally like the style of music we play. They don't personally like the way we set up our environments. They are uncomfortable with pastors in jeans and Chuck Taylor's and wouldn't be caught dead wearing them.
And yet, they are a part of what God is doing here because there is a conviction that runs deeper than music styles and clothing. It is their conviction that the church doesn't exist for them. So while they may not sing the songs we sing at church while driving around in their cars during the week, they come to our gatherings asking what they can bring, not what they can get.
And while they may not agree with every decision leadership makes, agreement isn't the most important issue, God's glory is. And on that we can agree.
Your church will make decisions that you will not agree with. They will start some new ministries and put to death others. They will have weekends where you feel you "got something out of it" and others you feel no different. But agreement and everyone getting something out of it was never the point.
God's glory and worship and gracious call to everyone outside of his family is the point.
It's not about you.
And it's not about me.
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